You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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