Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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