the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
