He uses pillows to masturbate.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
