it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
