Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its about making memories worth repressing
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
