"it" just moved
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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