it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
