Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
