Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love you. Go after that dick
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
