i just google imaged poop.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
