she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
