I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
