Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
