my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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