so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
