oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
