Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
