Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize