Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
