Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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