peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
