Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
