I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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