i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
