I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
