I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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