i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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