Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
