Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
