i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Someone came in the potted fern
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
