I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
