You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
