Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
