you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
