you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
