I think I died a long time ago.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
