i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
