when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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