Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
