Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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