I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
