my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
