i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
