i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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