What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
