I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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