when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
