the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
