The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
