ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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