I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Help. Why am I so naked?
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