M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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