i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
