that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish you could order shots online.
she peed on how many people?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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