How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
