I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
