Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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