somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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