do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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