Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
