my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
