She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my being single is dangerous.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
