maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
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After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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