Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
