When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
