Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
