hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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