even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My penis needs a shock collar
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
