There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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