stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
