the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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