capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
