By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
