this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Who died my cat blue again?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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