it's too hot outside to masturbate.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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