My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
