OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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