Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
