nut hugger
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
