girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
