i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
