its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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